At some point in every marriage, it’s common—perhaps even expected—to face periods of discontent, stagnation, or even tumultuous changes. Many refer to this as the “Seven Year Itch.” For me, this phase has been anything but predictable, leading to an extended and painful silence between my partner and me. Ultimately, that silence shattered one day when the word “divorce” was uttered.
To be honest, there was a strange sense of relief when we acknowledged the possibility of ending our marriage. It meant we had to confront the silence and communicate again.
As I grappled with the ins and outs of divorce—dreading custody battles and feeling heartbroken over the thought of splitting up years of cherished memories—I began to wonder if staying married for the children’s sake might be a viable option. Before I could fully explore this idea, though, numerous other questions emerged—questions that often feel uncomfortable to voice.
Questions to Consider
Would we lead a celibate life? Could I truly forgo intimacy for a decade or more while raising our children together? I’m not devoid of desires. I recognize the feeling of being affection-starved, which I sometimes grapple with. Most days, I can push those feelings aside and focus on my kids, but I can’t ignore my own needs for love and affection. Is that selfish?
Could we consider an open marriage—one where we keep things discreet yet fulfill our emotional and physical needs outside of our relationship? I’ve read about such arrangements, and in moments of self-pity, they seem appealing. However, I doubt I could handle the thought of my husband being with someone else, nor could I imagine being intimate with anyone but him, even during our rough patches.
The Message We Send
If I choose to remain married for the children, what message am I sending them? Will they perceive this as an endorsement of a submissive role for women? Despite our marital discord, we share common ground in parenting, and we both believe in teaching our children that women are equal to men. Does staying together send the wrong signal?
I can endure the heartache, and I often shield my kids from my pain by controlling my reactions to our marital reality. As a devoted mother, I’m prepared to put my own needs on the back burner, but is this truly the best course of action? Should we stay married, or is a divorce the healthier choice? These questions weigh heavily on my heart and mind.
Resilience and Reflection
Women are resilient and capable of enduring tremendous pain. I understand that. While I contemplate sacrificing my happiness for my children, I can’t shake the uncertainty of whether it’s the right decision or what consequences may arise from it.
Ultimately, I love my family, including my husband. Even if we can’t mend our relationship, I’ll always cherish the good times we had, and for that reason, I’m willing to be patient until clarity reveals itself.
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Summary
Deciding whether to stay married for the sake of children is a complex and emotional dilemma. While the idea of remaining together for their well-being may seem appealing, it’s essential to weigh the emotional ramifications and what message it sends to them. Ultimately, love for family often leads to a consideration of all options, including the possibility of divorce or alternative arrangements.
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