This morning didn’t unfold as I had hoped; in fact, it was a complete disaster. Mornings at our place resemble a chaotic race against the clock, with each of us relying on the others to stay balanced. When one person stumbles, we all fall. Today, you were the one who stumbled, and while the rest of us managed to get out the door, you were left behind.
Perhaps it began when you dashed upstairs to retrieve the homework you had forgotten, accidentally bumping into your younger brother on your way down. Maybe it was when you chose to scroll through Instagram instead of putting on your shoes, prompting me to insist that you put the phone down. Or perhaps it was when you discovered that one of your guitar strings was broken, leaving you frozen in anxiety about what your music teacher would say. Frustration washed over you, and as tears filled your eyes, you declared that you couldn’t possibly go to school. I tried to remain calm, reassuring you that you could manage and that the guitar string could be fixed, but you were having none of it.
Realizing that the carpool couldn’t wait any longer, I reluctantly waved them on. I knew it wasn’t fair to make them wait, especially since that stress wasn’t helping you at all. When I turned back to face you, I could see the anger in your expression; you were convinced I was the source of all your problems this morning.
In that moment, I became your enemy.
You let your emotions fly. You expressed your frustration, wishing aloud that I would feel satisfied now that you were late for school, missing your science quiz and facing consequences for not turning in your homework. Your outburst ignited my own feelings of inadequacy as a parent. Should I have helped you organize your backpack last night? Should I have paid more attention to you this morning? How could you believe I wanted you to fail? Our emotions were on a collision course, daring each other to strike first. I crossed my arms and lectured you about responsibility while you shot daggers at me with your glare and muttered something unkind.
Flustered, I ended up confiscating your phone for the week. I may have had the last word, but I certainly didn’t emerge victorious. I take no pleasure in your anger and disappointment; that is not my mission as a parent, even if you believe otherwise. Life as a tween can be incredibly challenging. Managing your intense feelings and taking responsibility for your actions is no small feat. My role is to create a safe space where you can express your anger, sadness, and confusion while also establishing boundaries that teach you respect for others and yourself.
I am not your enemy.
I am the mother who loves you unconditionally. I am your caretaker, your confidant, your biggest supporter, and your constructive critic. I will call you out when you err, remind you that mistakes are part of growth, and guide you toward improvement. I will celebrate your successes and be there to comfort you during tough times. I understand that you’re navigating a whirlwind of challenges — from shifting hormones to increased academic pressures, evolving friendships, and the desire for independence. It’s a complex phase, but know that I am always here when you need me during these turbulent tween years.
So here’s my suggestion: let’s talk. Before things go sideways, let’s have a moment to connect. Share with me how you’re feeling. Are you getting enough sleep? How did soccer practice go? Have you heard from your best friend from camp? Can I hear that new song you downloaded? Let’s engage in the everyday moments that excite you and fill your heart with joy. I promise to ask questions, as long as you make an effort to answer.
And when we find ourselves in those heated moments, let’s extend grace to each other. Remember that it’s usually a situation — forgotten homework, a broken guitar string, or a rough night’s sleep — that triggers our emotions, not the people we love. And I love you dearly, my sweet girl. Trust me, I’m always in your corner.
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In summary, while we may sometimes clash, it’s crucial to remember that I’m not your adversary. I’m here to support you through this challenging time, and together, we can navigate the ups and downs of your tween years.
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