10 Reasons I’m Late to Your Event

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I used to pride myself on punctuality, always arriving at least 10 minutes ahead of schedule. But that was before I had kids. Back then, my home was tidy, and I didn’t have to search for missing pillows. Now, everything has changed. Preparing to leave the house takes a good hour, and here’s why we often end up running late:

1. My Toddler’s Battle with Pants
   “Mom, I can do it!” she insists. This starts a comedy of errors: both legs stuck in one hole, the other leg in a shirt hole—sometimes she even opts for an avant-garde look that only a celebrity could pull off.
2. Household Traffic Jam
   Everyone in my home seems to operate on their own slow-motion schedule. One child is fixated on assembling a train set while another has decided that now is the time to find a toy we don’t even own. Meanwhile, the child without shoes is happily nibbling on them.
3. Lost Car Keys
   Honestly, I can’t remember where my brain has gone since becoming a parent. If my keys aren’t in plain sight, I might as well say goodbye to finding them.
4. The Return for a “Quick” Retrieval
   We might be halfway to your event when someone suddenly remembers their beloved stuffed animal. We turn back, only to spend an eternity hunting for it—only to find it was lost in the car all along.
5. Garage as a Magical Maze
   For some reason, the garage transforms into a treasure trove of mysterious items that don’t belong to my kids—only when we need to leave, of course.
6. Bathroom Breaks Galore
   Just when I think we’re ready to go, one kid claims they need privacy, while another suddenly realizes they must go after all. And wouldn’t you know it, once we’re in the car, the baby decides to have a blowout.
7. Surprise Spit-Up
   I didn’t notice it right away, but a quick clean-up of syrup revealed that I had a little extra “flair” in my hair. No amount of wet wipes can erase the scent of sour milk.
8. Wardrobe Malfunctions
   Nothing says “fashionably late” like discovering poop on your shirt right before leaving. You’re welcome, by the way.
9. Hunger Strikes
   Breakfast? What’s that? Apparently, playing in the garage is far more important than eating.
10. Forgotten Events
    Some days, I’m lucky to remember what day it is, let alone your gathering. I sometimes can’t even keep track of my kids’ names, so the fact that I remembered you is a miracle in itself.

So, now that I’ve finally arrived, and your event is winding down, how about we grab a coffee or set up a playdate? I may not have kids with me, but I definitely have some pillows around. Those can be just as chaotic, can’t they?

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In summary, parenting is a whirlwind that often leads to delays. From battling with pants to forgotten events, the chaos is real. But hey, laughter is the best medicine, right?