During a recent family getaway, I found myself with a rare moment of tranquility, nestled in a cozy spot, engrossed in a captivating book. Just as I was sinking into the narrative, one of my daughters strolled in to use the bathroom attached to our suite. In my usual effort to fend off interruptions, I quickly shut my eyes and feigned sleep, a little trick I use to carve out some peace and quiet.
After a few moments, I heard her struggling with the door, unable to get it to budge. Instead of rushing in to assist, I opted to remain silent and wait. It took her about five minutes before she finally figured out how to open the door herself. While some might label my decision as harsh—my own mother was appalled that I wouldn’t jump up to help—there was a hidden lesson in that moment. My goal is to raise resilient, capable women, not helpless girls waiting for rescue.
I firmly believe in allowing my daughters to attempt to solve their own problems before offering assistance. My time to influence their character is limited; with each year that passes, their personalities and values become more solidified. While they’re still in a formative stage, I want them to discover their own abilities. I don’t want them to default to asking for help every time a task seems daunting. The joy of achieving something on their own is invaluable, and I want them to feel that sense of accomplishment.
Far too often, I hear my daughters say “I can’t” or “Help me” without even trying. It can be frustrating. I’ve watched them sit in the car, eyes pleading as they ask me to open the door. I hold back, waiting for them to realize they can simply turn the handle. I’ve heard them complain about tangles in their shoelaces without even attempting to untie them. I remind them they haven’t tried and walk away. When they bring me their tablet with an error message, I tell them if they want their game back, it’s up to them to figure it out.
In most cases, they do find a solution on their own, and the pride that lights up their faces is worth the wait. I remind them that they are clever and capable of much more than they initially believe.
I want my daughters to grow into strong, self-sufficient women who can stand on their own two feet. While I appreciate having a partner who helps with things like cutting watermelon (seriously, it’s a bloody mess when I try!), I want them to understand that they don’t need someone else to do things for them. It’s great to have a partner who complements their strengths, but I also want them to feel empowered to tackle challenges independently. I’ve experienced the frustration of being unable to open a stubborn jar of pickles, but I overcame that obstacle with creativity—using a hammer to break the jar and access the pickles was not my safest moment, but it was a victory!
I don’t want my daughters to linger, waiting for someone else to direct their actions. If they have a goal, I want them to research, seek advice, and take action, even if they have to do it alone. Life isn’t always a solo endeavor, and while collaboration is important, self-motivation is key.
As they navigate life’s ups and downs, I want them to be prepared for the inevitable challenges. I refuse to be their safety net forever. I want them to experience failure and learn to rise after a fall. The little things—like being momentarily locked in a bathroom or figuring out how to untangle a shoelace—are small victories that lay the groundwork for facing larger obstacles ahead. I don’t want them to be princesses waiting for a prince to save the day.
I will always be there for them when they genuinely need support. I’ll comfort them and offer guidance after they’ve given it their all. But I find peace in knowing that by withholding help in situations where they can learn, I’m preparing them for a future where they can stand strong. Each little lesson adds up, and one day, when I’m no longer around, I want them to thrive because they learned how to save themselves, step by step.
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In summary, I choose to let my daughters face challenges on their own to foster their independence and confidence. Each small win builds their resilience, preparing them for life’s bigger hurdles.
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