I’m lost in thought, mid-sentence about something utterly forgettable, when suddenly I hear it—a loud snore. Seriously? This is like a scene from a cliché sitcom. We’re not that couple! We’re not the stereotype of the guy who dozes off while his partner discusses trivial issues that she believes are of utmost importance, only to be interrupted by the sound of his snoring, which resembles a grizzly bear.
Well, here we are. We are that couple. And he is that guy who can fall asleep before I even finish spelling f-u-c-k-t-h-i-s, while I lay awake with my eyes wide open, caught in an anxiety-fueled insomnia spiral, cursing the darkness. And now, just great, the cat has decided my abdomen is her personal bed.
What I truly need is a MANbien prescription, and I want it now.
Now, let me clarify: MANbien is not to be confused with that sleep aid, Ambien. Instead, it’s a magical pill that encapsulates all the carefree, hormone-driven qualities that allow men to fall asleep anywhere, at any time, and especially once they hit the couple’s bed. In fact, MANbien is so effective that you don’t even need to be horizontal; you could be at a 45-degree angle and still drift off peacefully.
Picture the endless possibilities if women could indulge in MANbien instead of being wide awake and hyper-aware.
- No more frantic googling about every little ache and pain, convinced that it’s some terminal illness that will take us before sunrise.
- No more mental checklists of tasks that I need to tackle but will forget the moment my alarm goes off and I find myself scrolling through social media.
- No more managing the chaos of awake children.
- No more doing everything for others while I’m awake, only to take on the night shift once everyone else is asleep.
- No more replacing toilet paper rolls or cleaning up empty shampoo bottles from the shower like I’m on a bizarre maid internship.
- No more deciding what to eat for the second dinner.
- No more battling the urge to throw a dirty glass found inches from the dishwasher against the wall.
- No more futile attempts at matching socks, which feels like a cruel joke.
- No more night terrors of discovering unexpected hairs in the bathroom, reminding me that middle age is not what I signed up for.
After taking my MANbien, I want to stretch out and claim the bed like I deserve it. The cat can find another spot—it’s my body, not a feline playground—and my partner can deal with half of the bed like I’ve been doing for years. Sure, it may be a bit petty, but a woman needs her beauty sleep to conquer the day, right?
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination options, check out this great resource for pregnancy and home insemination at Rmany. And for those looking into at-home insemination kits, Cryobaby is a reputable online retailer you should consider. For more insightful content, feel free to visit this blog post.
In summary, if only women could experience the same ease of sleep that men do, life would be more manageable. Until then, we’ll just keep dreaming about our own version of a MANbien prescription.
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