Last night, my children woke up a staggering five times. Bed linens were stripped and washed, bottles needed refilling, carpets were cleaned (don’t even ask), cuddles were demanded, and a barrage of complaints filled the air. Apparently, the fear of dehydration or loneliness is a serious issue between 2 and 5 a.m. Who would have thought?
Despite trying to get to bed early, I ended up with only a few fragmented hours of sleep. There was no illness, no teething, and no discomfort; it was just one of those nights. And it was draining.
The harsh reality of nights like these—regardless of their frequency—is that they can feel incredibly isolating for parents. Even if you have a partner to share the load, it often seems like everyone else in the world is blissfully unaware of your struggles. Outside, street lamps shine brightly while your neighbors’ windows remain dark. You can almost hear their peaceful snores as your kids wail, and in those moments of solitude, it’s easy to feel like you’re failing at this parenting gig. Why does this happen to my kids? Why me? With one child in preschool and the other a full-fledged toddler, I thought those sleepless nights of the newborn phase were behind me. Apparently, that’s not the case.
As a new parent, I received a lot of well-meaning encouragement to help me cope with the overwhelming sleep deprivation. Believe me, my kids certainly tested my limits. I was constantly reassured that this phase would pass quickly, that sleepless nights would soon be a distant memory.
When you’re in the thick of it, you cling to those words like a lifeline. And while the intentions behind them are good, they often feel more like a placebo when the reality hits. By the time you realize this, you’ve transformed into an expletive-spewing, fire-breathing dragon. And trust me, that’s not just a metaphor—crazy hair, smudged makeup, and morning breath can become your new normal. Just remember, you’re still beautiful, and a hot shower plus a strong cup of coffee can work wonders.
The truth is, those offering empty reassurances either had extraordinarily easy kids (which is rare), have conveniently forgotten their own struggles, or simply choose not to acknowledge the chaos of sleepless nights. What no one tells you is that the “phase” they’re referring to is parenthood itself, and congratulations—you’re already in it for the long haul.
Tonight, it may be a fear of the dark. Tomorrow, it’ll be sleepovers, date nights, and later, perhaps wild parties. Don’t delude yourself; your college student won’t be coming home at 9 p.m. for a warm cup of milk. The reality is, your kids will keep you up for years to come. It was all in the fine print when you signed up for this parenting journey—always read the fine print.
While you may eventually get more sleep compared to those early days, unannounced midnight wake-up calls will still sting. The standards for what constitutes “normal” sleep are always changing. Once upon a time, three hours of sleep felt like a miracle, but once your body adjusts, anything less than six hours can feel like a punch in the gut.
We like to pretend that nighttime wake-ups and caffeine-fueled mornings are only the domain of infancy or are easily traceable to a specific cause, like illness—if you’re a “good” parent, that is. Reading all the right parenting books seems to guarantee a “good sleeper” status for your kids, right? Their arbitrary guidelines should be a breeze to meet, but if your child doesn’t fit the mold, it must be your fault for not doing A, B, or C correctly.
So, it’s no surprise we rarely discuss older kids who struggle with sleep. Instead, we quietly curse into our pillows and then drop them off at school like it’s just another day. The bags under your eyes might give away your secret, but your lips stay sealed, as admitting this feels like admitting failure. No one wants to feel incompetent, let alone say it out loud. But if you were to search online for “why won’t my kid sleep at night?” you’d discover that you are definitely not alone.
And that’s something every parent needs to hear—you are not alone. Whether your kids wake up every night or just occasionally, it’s perfectly fine and, for the most part, completely normal. If online forums provide a sense of community, don’t hesitate to check them out. Vent your frustrations behind closed doors, indulge in a glass of pinot grigio at 2 a.m. to help you unwind, and most importantly, speak about your experiences with friends, family, or anyone willing to listen. Communication and sharing can be incredibly healing.
Keep pushing through, fellow parent. Parenthood encompasses skinned knees, heartbreaks, tantrums, and yes, those sleepless nights. It’s a wild ride, and your experience won’t look like anyone else’s. Just focus on your own path—because this is tough, and that’s perfectly okay.
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In summary, sleepless nights are a common hurdle in the parenting journey, often accompanied by feelings of isolation and inadequacy. However, it’s crucial to remember that you’re not alone in this struggle. Open communication and support from others can make all the difference in navigating these challenging times.
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