Before I became a parent, I had a plethora of notions about what raising children would entail. Now, after nearly a decade of navigating the ups and downs of parenthood, many of those ideas now seem downright amusing. The same goes for my expectations of being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM). Those notions, too, have proven to be quite laughable.
As I transitioned from caring for newborns to toddlers and later preschoolers, I often found myself chuckling and cringing at how misguided my assumptions had been. Yet, even as a SAHM with school-aged children, I carried with me a subconscious (or perhaps conscious) set of beliefs about what this role would look like—certainly not the glamorous, leisure-filled life many might envision, complete with soap operas and indulgent snacks. Honestly, it’s laughable.
“What do you do all day?” people often ask, in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I understand the curiosity; we SAHMs can appear to be a bit of a mystery to those outside the realm of at-home parenting. Particularly perplexing is the life of a stay-at-home parent with kids in school. Seriously, what on earth could we be occupying ourselves with from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. while others are entrusted with our children?
Well, let me enlighten you.
Some of us are hustling back to our other job—the one that helps pay the bills (or at least a portion of them). The woman you see tending to her garden or walking the dog during the day might actually be juggling client meetings between PTA obligations and playdates. She might power on her laptop at night after the kids are tucked in, working until she can barely keep her eyes open. Others might find themselves responding to emails while in the carpool line or writing articles on their phones while supervising their kids at the park. Could be researching vendors for a startup while waiting for their son to finish soccer practice.
Many of us are dedicating hours to coordinating medical appointments and navigating the often frustrating world of insurance to secure coverage for our kids’ medications or procedures. We’re meeting with teachers and specialists, tackling mountains of laundry, and making multiple trips to the grocery store to stock up on snacks for the after-school playdates we host regularly.
Some of us are also supporting our aging parents, driving them to appointments, or teaching them how to navigate their new smartphones. We might be making a long trek for specialized orthopedic shoes our kids need, volunteering at local charities, or engaging in our community. We’re listening to friends vent about the challenges of motherhood and planning family vacations. Oh, and guess what? We’re still making those trips to the grocery store.
And yes, once the errands and responsibilities are ticked off the list, we sometimes carve out time for ourselves. After conference calls and deadlines are met, we might enjoy lunch with a friend—because adult conversations are important too. We might treat ourselves to a pedicure or get our hair colored to hide the signs of stress from the past decade. We could spend a few moments browsing a bookstore for a captivating romance novel after picking up a new chapter book for our child. We might hit the gym to release some endorphins, making us more pleasant company for others. And yes, we might take that long, hot shower we’ve been craving after years of quick rinses with dry shampoo.
Just because our children—those little beings who once monopolized our time and energy—are now in school for seven hours a day doesn’t mean we’re twiddling our thumbs or living a life of luxury. We are not idle. We’re busy with a multitude of tasks—some mundane, some significant.
My preconceived notions about being a SAHM were quickly dismantled after my first child was born. Now that my kids are in school, my earlier judgments about the role have been equally obliterated. My day is filled with freelance work, client emails, and conference calls as I strive to rebuild my career. I run errands that felt impossible when my children were younger. I’m rediscovering my culinary skills beyond mac and cheese and dinosaur nuggets. I’m volunteering more and rekindling relationships that took a back seat during those exhausting years. And yes, I might indulge in a lunch with a friend or treat myself to a manicure or a peaceful walk.
So, contrary to popular belief, I am not doing nothing. I certainly don’t spend my days watching soap operas and munching on bonbons. Puh-lease. Instead, it’s The View with a Kit Kat bar from the back of the freezer, thank you very much.
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In summary, being a stay-at-home mom with school-aged children is far from a leisurely existence. We juggle countless responsibilities, nurture relationships, and occasionally carve out time for ourselves. It’s a dynamic role filled with challenges and rewards that deserves recognition and respect.
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