Last night, I settled into a warm bath, ready to relax with a cold beer and a glossy magazine (don’t judge me). Just as I began to unwind, a peculiar little figure latched onto my thigh.
“Who are you, mysterious rubbery creature? A souvenir from a fast-food meal? A bizarre toy from a discount store?”
I placed him on the tub’s edge alongside the other toys and quickly noticed a captivating scene: a Barbie doll holding hands with a vintage action figure. Her mismatched fingers rested in his, as if she were about to toss her messy hair and giggle.
What an odd assortment of toys resting on the edge of my tub! And what a joy it is to be the mother of these quirky girls who created such chaos. I couldn’t help but reflect on how profoundly my life has changed because of them. Without their drawings adorning our walls and the countless little scuffs from their playful antics, my world would be so bland.
I pondered how my love for my partner would have remained untested without those moments of watching him dress a Barbie or gently carry a sleepy child from the car to bed. Imagine the monotony of life without glittery stickers stuck to my socks or tiny doll accessories that find their way into unexpected places.
As I gazed at the odd little figure, I realized how wonderfully wild and unique my daughters are. And I felt an overwhelming obligation to nurture their spirit without stifling their creativity.
After my bath, I watched them transform our living room into a make-believe paradise. I wished they could remain in that innocent world forever, where plastic ice cream never melts, and their sisterly bonds are unbreakable.
Yet, as I snapped the cape on my daughter’s doll and played along, I was struck by my own inadequacies in preparing them for the real world. I don’t have all the answers for sleep training a toy baby or navigating relationships, and the thought fills me with dread. But I do have my life lessons—an imperfect blend of mistakes and triumphs.
So, I made a list for my husband, just in case I meet an untimely fate at the hands of a rogue toy or some domestic disaster. Here’s a collection of thoughts to share with my beautiful girls from their slightly eccentric but deeply caring mother:
- Use a baby wipe for stubborn deodorant stains, a dull razor for pesky sweater pilling, and a dryer sheet to dust your blinds. For everything else, vinegar works wonders—though a beer might help you get through the cleaning.
- Life may not always be the pink Starburst you envision; sometimes, you’ll find yourself dealing with the sour oranges and dull yellows. But any day that isn’t a butterscotch is still worth celebrating.
- Your heart will inevitably break. I wish I could shield you from that pain, but it’s part of life. Just remember, it’s better to have loved and lost than to miss out on the experience entirely.
- Always shake the ketchup before serving to avoid that weird watery mess. And for the love of all things good, skip scary movies before bedtime.
- Show love freely but remember to flaunt your individuality occasionally.
- You probably won’t have a dramatic enough backstory to star in a reality show, and that’s perfectly okay.
- Avoid dating anyone who uses terms like “Lil’ Mama” or refers to body parts in crude ways.
- Embrace chances to be generous and seize moments to hold adorable baby animals—bonus points if you can dress them up!
- Take risks when they come, but steer clear of sketchy paths that could lead to trouble. Life’s journey doesn’t need to be an adventure filled with danger and detours.
- Remember, not everything that glitters is gold—especially when it comes to makeup choices.
- Life will have moments where you need to express your frustration, but there are never appropriate moments for hate-filled language.
- Always say “bless you” when someone sneezes and express gratitude when someone holds the door open for you. It’s just good manners.
- Don’t be sneaky—unless it involves smuggling candy into a movie theater. That’s an exception.
- Avoid situations where someone says, “Girl, hold my earrings.” Trust me on this one.
- Social media is like a movie trailer. Remember that most people only showcase their highlights; true life is often much more ordinary.
- Stay away from questionable drinks, especially concoctions served from dubious sources.
- Never text, drive, or multitask behind the wheel. Feel free to sing your heart out, though!
- Win every spelling bee you enter, but steer clear of wet T-shirt contests—trust me, it’s not worth it.
- May your best comebacks come to mind at the perfect moment, not three hours later in the shower.
- Live your life to the fullest, but maybe not in the “camping at Coachella” sense.
- Everyone has their own story, and it’s just as valid as yours. Appreciate the richness of other lives.
- Know your worth, your social security number, and your bra size.
- A hand that instinctively braces you during sudden stops is a hand that loves fiercely.
- Apologize sincerely when you’re wrong, but don’t say it just to be liked.
- You’ll never run into an ex looking flawless, and a quick trip to Target always ends up with more than just one item.
- Keep at least one nude bra on hand but refrain from nude selfies—some things are better left private.
Lastly, my dear daughters, embrace your quirks. Stay unique, stay kind, stay curious, and always remember that you are loved.
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In summary, life is a journey filled with unpredictable twists and turns. Armed with love, laughter, and a sprinkle of wisdom, you can navigate it all with grace.
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