I grew up in a culture where spanking was the norm, nestled in a small southern town. As a child, I understood that if I went astray, I better be clever about it, or risk a painful consequence. Although I didn’t find myself in trouble too often, the few times I did remain etched in my memory. I can vividly recall the long walk to my room, gripping my pajamas with washcloths, and desperately shielding myself while pleading for mercy. Just thinking about it now makes me feel uneasy.
It wasn’t until I became a mother that I truly contemplated the implications of spanking. The first night home from the hospital with my baby boy, I sat for hours in a rocking chair, holding this tiny seven-pound miracle. In that moment, a wave of helplessness washed over me, alongside the immense responsibility of motherhood. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I leaned in and made a heartfelt promise: “Mommy will never lay a hand on you, I swear.”
Three years later, I found myself spanking my son for the first time. It was a reaction in the heat of the moment when he darted into the street. I remember the mix of confusion, anger, and betrayal on his face as I struck his bottom. I told myself this was the right approach; parents had to show tough love, right? I believed the old saying, “this hurts me more than it hurts you.” So, despite my instincts telling me otherwise, I continued to use physical discipline.
However, I quickly realized that spanking didn’t improve my son’s behavior; in fact, it escalated the situation. One day, he hit his little sister, and I was horrified. I raised my voice, saying, “We do NOT hit in this family!” With tears in his eyes, he retorted, “But Mommy, you hit me!” That moment struck a chord with me and shattered my justification for spanking. It was a painful realization that I had become a part of the very cycle I wanted to break.
Later that evening, as my husband and I discussed our experiences, we both recognized that we had unintentionally fallen into the trap of spanking, something neither of us had intended for our children. We spent hours researching the long-term effects of different disciplinary methods. What we found was alarming: studies show that physical punishment, including spanking, can lead to increased aggression, antisocial behavior, and even mental health issues in children.
Accepting that my actions had potentially harmed my child was a hard pill to swallow, especially when I thought I was acting in his best interest. It became clear that my cultural justifications were flimsy at best. I discovered an anonymous quote that resonated deeply: “Is the child old enough to understand reason? Yes? Then reason with them. No? Then they’re not old enough to understand why you’re spanking them.” It dawned on me that there was no valid rationale for hitting, yet it was a behavior I had normalized.
Determined to change, my husband and I committed to breaking the cycle. That night, I quietly entered my son’s room, giving him a gentle kiss on the forehead. Though he had grown, he still retained that cherubic look from his early days. I whispered into his ear, “I promise you, son. Mommy will never lay a hand on you again.” And this time, I meant it.
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Summary
I grew up in a culture that normalized spanking as a form of discipline. However, after experiencing the negative impacts firsthand, I realized that physical punishment was ineffective and harmful. Through open discussions with my husband and research into alternative discipline methods, we decided to break the cycle and commit to non-violent parenting.
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