As a parent, one of the most crucial questions I pose before my child embarks on a playdate is simple yet significant: “Are there firearms in your home?” This inquiry usually finds its way into an email or, on occasion, a hastily typed text message. After a few introductory lines about the kids, school, or dinner plans, I cut to the chase: “Do you own a gun? If so, is it secured in a lockbox?” It may sound blunt, but I believe it’s a necessary conversation.
Growing up, I wasn’t exposed to firearms, but my partner, Alex, had a different upbringing. His father served as a police officer, which meant guns were a part of his childhood environment. Sadly, I’ve learned that not everyone is as diligent about securing firearms as they should be.
I often grapple with the discomfort of asking this question. It feels somewhat intrusive, as if I’m critiquing someone’s personal choices. I understand that owning a gun is your right, protected by the Constitution. Yet, this topic demands careful wording and rephrasing.
Recently, one of my children went on a playdate with a classmate whose parent is a teacher. I still asked the question, “Do you have a gun?” I could practically hear the chuckle from the other end as they responded. Another child visited a home where the father is also a police officer, allowing me to lighten the mood with, “I ask this all the time! Haha.”
In our household, we don’t keep toy guns. We’ve opted for a Nerf gun-free zone, with the exception of a quirky remote-controlled zombie robot their grandmother gifted them (thanks, Grandma!). When my kids inquire about toy guns, I explain that I don’t believe guns are meant for play. They are primarily designed for serious purposes—primarily, to cause harm.
I explain that while some people use firearms for hunting or as part of their jobs—like police officers or military personnel—these are nuanced relationships. However, I firmly hold that guns have no place in a child’s world.
My children might counter with arguments about our collection of pretend fireman hats or knight swords. I remind them that no one has ever used a fire hose or sword to carry out mass harm in schools. At least not that I know of. This argument typically ends our discussion, as even a seven-year-old can grasp the gravity of the issue.
Interestingly, a new friend of mine, Lily, recently shared her amusement when she received my safety inquiry email. As a recent immigrant from England, she found the question humorously emblematic of American culture. After all, many police officers in her home country aren’t even armed. She even circulated my email among friends back home to illustrate her adaptation to American norms. Similarly, a friend from Canada echoed the sentiment: “Guns. So American. So absurd.” But they understood, as they too navigate life in this country now.
No one has ever hesitated to respond. Even gun owners seem to recognize the importance of the question. The combination of children and firearms is a dangerous mix. If anyone were to falter in their reply, I’d suggest we meet at a neutral location, like a sunny park, where we can keep a watchful eye on our little ones.
Curiously, no one has ever queried about the presence of guns in my home or what activities their child would engage in during playdates at our place. Typically, the kids run wild, eat raspberries, and likely come home with a few ticks. I believe in giving my children the freedom to explore, climb trees, and engage in imaginative play, even if it comes with the risk of minor injuries.
Of course, I could broaden my inquiries to include questions about potential dangers in their home, such as sexual predators, violent media, hidden prescription drugs, or unmonitored pets. However, perhaps those concerns are often left unsaid. The gun safety question serves as a gateway to discussing the love and fragility of our children’s lives.
So, when I drop my kids off for a playdate, I’ll say, “I’ll be back in two hours. No allergies. Here’s some sunscreen and a loaf of fresh banana bread. Oh, and do you have any firearms at home? If so, are they securely locked?”
I draw the line here because, as a parent, it’s my responsibility to ensure my child’s safety.
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In summary, it’s essential to ask the tough questions when it comes to our children’s safety. Open communication about firearms and other potential risks is vital in fostering a safe environment for playdates.
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