Recently, I took my children to the local community center, opting for comfort in jeans and a tank top, not to work out, but simply to enjoy a moment of tranquility. After dropping my kids off at the play area, I indulged in an uninterrupted hour on my laptop. For that brief escape, nobody tugged at my sleeve, clamored for snacks, or had an unfortunate accident. It was bliss.
That small reprieve rejuvenated me. When I picked them up, I greeted them with enthusiastic hugs and kisses. Our agenda included a trip to the pool, but first, we needed to change into our swimsuits. As we got ready, I focused on every word of my four-year-old’s animated story. Listening to him felt effortless, and I cherished the details of his day, from the sandbox adventures to the tiny remnants of it on his arms. In those moments, I felt their tiny hands on my neck and listened to their voices, filled with joy. I was fully present, thanks to that short break away.
As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM), I’m with my children most of the time. Yet, I still find myself questioning whether I’m spending enough meaningful moments with them. I genuinely enjoy watching my four-year-old show off his scooter skills and even pretending to be a puppy with my one-year-old. However, the most fulfilling moments I have are often those I carve out for myself. Too often, I find myself half-listening while distracted by my phone or multitasking with household chores. My kids shout, “Mama!” incessantly, vying for my attention while I try to juggle texts and cooking.
Most women who embrace the SAHM lifestyle do so to spend more time with their children, yet I sometimes wonder if the time I invest is truly meaningful. While the hours are there, how much quality time am I actually giving? I’m naturally driven and crave accomplishments, which often leaves me feeling irritable when I can’t dive into my passions. There’s an unspoken cultural notion that makes me feel guilty for wanting my own space, especially when my toddler is tugging at me to check out a bug.
I love playing with my kids—whether it’s holding their hands, pretending to fly them around, or building epic block towers. But let’s face it, there’s only so much time an adult can engage in a child’s fantasy world. The opportunities for sitting on the floor and playing trains are limited, regardless of whether I’m a SAHM or not.
My children’s ability to entertain themselves is just as limited as my patience for repetitive games, which is why we often need to venture outside. We don’t always have a destination; sometimes, it’s just a break from the chaos of my one-year-old’s kitchen cabinet raid or my four-year-old’s endless questions about items he finds in our bathroom drawers. Leaving the house often feels like a necessity to regain a sense of sanity.
However, venturing out isn’t without its challenges. They beg for treats at the checkout, attempt to escape the cart, and smear chocolate all over my new shirt. By the time we reach the car, I often realize one child has lost a shoe somewhere in the store, but I’m usually too exhausted to go back. I find myself feeling impatient and wonder if a little time apart could do us all some good.
I think about working mothers who may miss their children while at work, and how that shapes their interactions. Do they treasure those moments more? When my husband has plans that take him away for a bit, my first thought is, “Oh great, more time alone with the kids.” If I had more time away, I might see it as a chance for fun and bonding instead of viewing it as a duty.
As a former teacher, I often contemplate homeschooling my little ones. Still, I’ve decided to enroll my four-year-old in pre-K soon, not because I believe he needs the socialization, but because I think a little separation could enhance our relationship.
Ultimately, the quantity of time spent together pales in comparison to the quality of that time. A mother who nurtures her own well-being is better equipped to nurture her children. Whether a woman chooses to stay home, work remotely, or take a daily trip to her local café, a balanced life allows her to be more present for her family. Personally, I’m not interested in choosing between full-time parenting and lengthy work hours. I think I might just commit to slipping into a pair of jeans and heading to the gym with my laptop in tow.
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In summary, the time we spend with our children is essential, but it’s the quality of that time that truly matters. By nurturing ourselves, we can provide our kids with the love and attention they deserve.
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