Dear Men,
I want to begin by clarifying that this message isn’t aimed at criticizing you as a whole or overshadowing the positive contributions of many. I have wonderful male friends, a great mentor, a caring brother, and a loving partner. I’ve been supported by men in my life during tough times, including being saved from an attempted abduction by a man. I’m thankful for the many admirable men out there.
However, I’m reaching out because we need your assistance.
It’s become increasingly difficult to turn on the news without encountering yet another report of a violent attack against women. It could be a runner enjoying an afternoon jog, a girl on her way to meet a friend, a woman heading to her car in a parking lot, or a female peacefully asleep in her own home.
The alarming reality is that women don’t feel safe anywhere.
I’ve seen the comments from people discussing these victims, often suggesting that if women simply carried weapons at all times, they could avoid these situations. This perspective places the burden of responsibility squarely on our shoulders. If you find yourself thinking this way, then it’s clear we have much work to do.
Each day, when I step outside, I confront the constant worry about my safety. I experience unwanted attention, lewd remarks, and intrusive stares from men of all backgrounds. I’ve walked through parking lots with my children while men three times my age have undressed me with their eyes. Some may argue that this is subjective; to those individuals, I say, “If you’ve never experienced it, you can’t fully comprehend what it feels like.” Yet, every woman I know has faced similar situations.
I’ve been followed, harassed, and even physically grabbed. The harassment began when I was just 10, the grabbing at 11, and the attempted abduction occurred at 18. I was followed again at 23. The list goes on.
Every night I spend alone, I find myself double-checking locks and ensuring windows are secure. Women everywhere are doing the same, lying awake in bed after hearing a strange noise or preparing to defend themselves, armed with instructions about using a firearm or self-defense techniques. I often read about the most dangerous places for women, and a parking lot consistently ranks high. Yet I’ve never seen such a list for men, nor do I expect I ever will.
The core issue isn’t a lack of knowledge on safety or a need for self-defense classes. We’ve learned since childhood to be vigilant and to navigate our environments cautiously. The real issue is this: Why must we live in fear? Why is this our reality? It’s simply not fair.
Men, you may dismiss our concerns as paranoia or think such incidents occur less frequently than they do. I encourage you to reflect on this. Speak to your mother, sister, aunt, or best female friend. Ask them about their experiences. It may shock you, but it will also illuminate the injustices we face.
Once you’ve listened, it’s time to act. Engage in conversations with your father, brothers, male cousins, co-workers, and friends. Share your newfound understanding and encourage them to listen with empathy. Most importantly, stand beside us in this fight against rape culture and victim blaming. Women deserve to exist in a world where fear doesn’t dictate our actions.
This issue isn’t about how to best protect women—it’s about the sad reality that we need protection at all.
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In summary, it’s crucial for men to understand the realities women face regarding safety and to take action to create a supportive environment where fear is not a constant companion. Together, we can strive for a world that ensures safety and respect for everyone.
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