You remember how your parents or teachers could silence you with just a look? One perfectly timed eyebrow raise or a frosty glare, and you’d freeze in your tracks. You’d put down that toy you were about to throw, or halt mid-sentence, knowing the parent glare had set in.
Then there’s that unmistakable tone your mom had, how she could modulate her voice in a way that sent chills down your spine. Or how your dad could simply say your name, and you knew the game was up. No shouting, no drama—just a calm yet firm delivery. That’s the essence of the parent voice.
These are skills that seasoned parents develop over time, but I’m still working on it. After nearly six years of parenting two kids, I probably should have mastered them by now. But alas, I find myself relying on a more primal tool—yelling.
Yes, I yell. A lot. And it works. My son, Jack, is a bit scared when I raise my voice (don’t freak out just yet; even Elmo gives him the creeps). I might not be going full Sam Kinison on him, but sometimes a little bark is all I have left to regain control.
I don’t want Jack to be fearful of me. I just need to break his focus long enough to stop him from doing something reckless. At five years old, he requires multiple reminders to hear me the first time, and half the time he acts without thinking. He’ll head-butt his baby brother, leap on me while I’m holding hot coffee, or demand a song change in the middle of a show we just started watching—at his own request! Five-year-olds operate purely on impulse, and sometimes that impulse needs to be curbed.
Are there alternative approaches to yelling? Absolutely. I mentioned the parent voice and the parent glare earlier, but those take years to hone and can be difficult to execute when your child is constantly in motion and making noise. Sometimes, you need to cut through the chaos, overpower distractions, and override impulses. A little yelling can accomplish all that.
However, I recognize the danger of overusing this tactic. If I yell too often, it could become mere background noise. My goal is to prevent my son from hurting himself, his brother, or even my favorite wine cabinet. Unfortunately, with five-year-olds, sometimes you have to take a firmer approach. For now, my yelling is a race against time; I hope Jack matures enough to understand the consequences of his actions so I can reserve the yelling for special occasions.
Until that day comes, I’ll keep raising my voice when necessary. Jack doesn’t like it, but it gets his attention—even if just momentarily. And in parenting, sometimes that’s all you can ask for. Besides, when I don’t yell, he completely ignores me. A dad has to do what a dad has to do.
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Summary
Parenting is a tough gig, and sometimes raising your voice feels like the only way to regain control. As I navigate this journey, I hope to refine my skills and find a balance between discipline and nurturing. Until then, I rely on my loud voice to make sure my son stays safe and listens—because sometimes, that’s just what it takes.
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