Lately, I’ve noticed that my morning routine has taken on a tone reminiscent of a drill sergeant. I find myself issuing commands like, “Brush your teeth!” “Pack your lunch!” “For goodness’ sake, have you even put your clothes on yet?” and the classic, “Don’t forget deodorant; we wouldn’t want you to be smelly!” My voice rises above the din of music, the kids, and the morning news, and I can only imagine how charming this must be to your father as I attempt to engage him in adult conversation.
I’ve become “that” mom—the archetype you see in countless sitcoms. The one who has to be the enforcer. “You can’t go out until your room is clean.” “No, you can’t just scatter Legos all over the living room. Clean them up. Now! Now! Now!” My sweet children have been telling me that I’ve morphed into a “mean mom” while their dad is the fun one. And you know what? I’m perfectly okay with that.
In fact, I see it as my responsibility—a role I embraced nearly 18 years ago when my first little one arrived and we decided I would stay home. Your dad has a long commute and returns late, so it’s up to me to manage the household (and yes, sometimes it involves being the one who lays down the law). Yet, I treasure being the one you come home to. I adore watching you all grow up. However, as my kids—now 17, 14, and 11—have voiced their concerns about my “Mean Mom” routine, I find myself reflecting on how I miss my more cheerful self. It’s time for a little communication.
Dear kids, I understand if you’re feeling some resentment toward me. The world can be a tough place, and sometimes we all need a safe outlet for our frustrations. If that happens to be me, I can handle it. However, I do insist on being spoken to with respect. So if you’re going to express your displeasure, please do so with eloquence. For example: “Dear Mother, your decree prohibiting me from eliminating my brother due to his accidental destruction of my treasured CD collection seems particularly harsh. I am experiencing quite a bit of anger toward you, him, and humanity at large and will require some time in my room to recover.”
Trust me, if you articulate your feelings with grace, I will reciprocate. Plus, you might find that you’ll be grounded less frequently. Also, if I ask you to do something, do it the first time. I understand that you’re teens and preteens, which comes with its own challenges, but if you want a nicer mom, try being nicer kids.
Feel free to help yourselves to snacks, but if I walk into the kitchen and find what looks like a disaster zone, don’t be surprised if my voice gets a little higher. And please don’t try to argue that you were just about to clean it up when I walked in.
As for meals, let’s try to eat like civilized beings (you know who you are). If you refuse to do so, I’ll get frustrated and might even ask you to leave the table. I might crack a joke the first time, like saying your great-grandmother just fainted in heaven watching you eat pasta. But after that, it’s “Mean Mom” time.
And seriously, it’s not a shock that you need to get dressed, put on shoes, brush your teeth, and wash up for school every morning. If you don’t want to hear me yelling in the morning, then just get ready; it’s really not that difficult. I manage to do it every day on little sleep, thank you very much.
If you can follow these simple guidelines, I guarantee the kinder, less stressed mom you know and love will make a comeback. Well, at least after I’ve had my morning coffee.
Much love,
Mom
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Summary
This article humorously addresses the challenges of parenting and the dynamics between a mom and her kids. The author reflects on her role as the disciplinarian while encouraging her children to communicate respectfully and take responsibility for their actions, all while longing for a return to her more cheerful self.
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