As a parent to a 13-year-old son, I find myself in the bewildering position of having to clean his room from time to time—an endeavor I usually try to avoid. For the past decade-plus, my strategy has been to simply place a laundry basket outside his door and hope he takes the hint. However, there are moments when the state of his room becomes alarming, prompting me to don my metaphorical hazmat suit and dive in. As I step into the chaos, I can’t help but wonder:
- What is that overwhelming odor invading my senses?
- How can he possibly not notice this smell?
- Did he turn his room into a snack factory?
- Is this a sign of a medical issue if he can’t detect the stench?
- Are nose clips or a gas mask a viable option here?
- Why does he need two cans of body spray?
- Does he think he can mask the smell instead of actually showering?
- Is there a Funyun-scented body spray I don’t know about?
- What exactly is that on his bedsheets?
- Why on earth did I choose navy blue sheets for him?
- Is that a suspicious white substance on the fabric?
- Could it be acne cream?
- Or perhaps yogurt?
- Should I take a whiff to find out?
- Am I completely losing my sanity?
- How relieved am I that it’s just yogurt?
- Wait, how old is that green, fuzzy yogurt container?
- Should I even attempt to clean under the bed?
- What if I discover an embarrassing magazine?
- Doesn’t he just Google that stuff anyway?
- Have I checked the parental control app on his phone lately?
- How many times have I reminded him about soggy towels on the floor?
- Why are there 12 half-empty plastic cups scattered around?
- Didn’t he have a pet lizard in here at one point?
- Did I just step on something squishy?
- Where is the gecko?
- What is that white powder on the floor?
- Is that illegal?
- Or perhaps it’s jock itch powder?
- Did his dad actually buy him that?
- When did my little boy grow up and start dealing with these issues?
- Oh look, there’s his childhood blanket!
- Does my teenage son still cuddle with it in secret?
- Should I smell it for nostalgia’s sake?
- Will I regret sniffing the blanket?
- Will I remember to never sniff anything in this room again?
- Why is the new shirt I bought him dangling from the ceiling fan?
- And when did that nearly empty sports drink bottle become a science project?
- Am I really going to miss all this mess and madness when he moves out?
Honestly, yes. I will.
If you’re navigating the ups and downs of parenting, you might find comfort in other posts on our blog, like this one on infertility resources. And if you’re in need of practical help for home insemination, check out Cryobaby, a trusted retailer for at-home kits. For more information on conception, the CDC offers excellent resources.
In summary, cleaning my son’s room might bring out a flood of questions (and some anxiety), but it also reminds me that each mess is a snapshot of his teenage years—chaotic, messy, and utterly unforgettable.
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