Back-to-school shopping has always been a cherished tradition for me and my daughter, Emily. Like me, she has an eye for fashion—our shopping trips often turn into a delightful spree where we encourage each other to indulge in new clothes and shoes. We typically kick off our adventure with a fun dinner at a local Chinese restaurant, followed by a whirlwind tour of every store within a 20-mile radius. We start planning this event as early as June, and it has become a highlight of our summer that I hope continues well into her adult years.
As Emily transitions into her tween years, I’ve noticed her evolving sense of style. She often gravitates towards outfits I’d never choose for her. When I suggest something that fits my aesthetic, I’m met with eye-rolls or comments like, “That looks like something from a private school uniform, Mom! I go to public school.” or “Nah, I liked that style four years ago.”
Her preferences lean towards vibrant patterns and fitted jeans, while I’m more inclined towards classic and simple designs. She enjoys pairing shorts over leggings with graphic tees, and nothing she wears is ever oversized.
I do my best to ensure that her choices are comfortable and not too tight, aiming for longevity in her wardrobe. But when she sees herself in the mirror, her expression tells me everything. If she doesn’t feel good in an outfit, it doesn’t matter how much I like it; her self-esteem is paramount. I recognize that she is carving out her own identity and wants to express it through her clothing.
Reflecting on my own teenage years, I remember a moment when I was working a summer job and got criticized for wearing cutoff shorts. A woman, who clearly had her own insecurities, called my boss to complain, thinking my outfit was inappropriate. My boss defended me, but I couldn’t shake the anger I felt. Why should my clothing choices affect her? I wore those shorts because I liked them, and I was learning to embrace my body, even if it wasn’t perfect in my eyes.
I want Emily to have the courage to dress for herself and to feel confident, regardless of societal judgments. It is not her responsibility to cater to other people’s perceptions or to dress in a way that keeps their discomfort at bay. She has every right to love her body and express herself freely.
I will teach her that her clothing choices do not invite inappropriate comments or unwanted attention. People may judge her based on her appearance, but she is never to blame for their ignorance. It’s crucial for her to dress in a way that makes her feel good, to love herself, and to have the confidence to stand up for herself if anyone crosses a line.
As she grows, I want her to understand that her choices are hers alone, and she should never apologize for who she is. Her autonomy is key to her self-worth, and feeling at ease in her own skin is vital. Clothing is not about relinquishing control; it’s about representing who she is. Even if I don’t always agree with her fashion choices, my role is to support her in making decisions that resonate with her.
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In summary, encouraging my daughter to choose her own clothing is about more than just fashion; it’s a fundamental lesson in bodily autonomy and self-acceptance. I want her to confidently navigate the world, knowing her body and choices belong to her.
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