I’ve long struggled with the concept of saying no. As someone who genuinely wants to keep everyone happy, I often find myself overwhelmed by the desire to please others. My heart aches for those who are hurting, pushing me to extend my hand to anyone in need while neglecting my own well-being.
This tendency to please can be a double-edged sword. While friends and family see me as kind and dependable, I often find myself drained and emotionally depleted. Too many times, I’ve placed my own needs on the back burner, giving everything I have to others while forgetting the most essential person in the room — myself. The idea of self-care simply wasn’t on my agenda. In my quest to be empathetic and supportive, I’ve allowed toxic relationships to flourish, hoping that love and understanding would lead to change. But the only thing that changed was me; I became exhausted and a mere shadow of my former self. Recently, however, I’ve made a pivotal choice: prioritizing self-defense over self-denial.
This transformation didn’t come easily. It was born out of a significant burnout. After years as a stay-at-home mom, I took on various responsibilities, juggling freelance writing, a small business, and a long-standing volunteering role. On top of that, I was caring for young kids with a husband who worked long hours and very little outside help. The stress was palpable. My family was suffering, and so was I.
I reached a breaking point when my 3-year-old approached me, asking me to put down my phone because he missed me. In that moment, I realized the most valuable commitment I had was being neglected. Soon after, I made some tough choices. I stepped back from my volunteer role, realizing they had plenty of support and would manage just fine. I also paused my business activities until my youngest starts school full-time. Additionally, I took the time to clean up my social media; unfollowing posts that didn’t uplift me and blocking individuals who contributed to my stress.
Establishing boundaries is a game changer. Although it was painful to say no, the relief I feel now is indescribable. There’s a powerful saying that resonates with me: “You can be a kind person and still say no.” This will now be my guiding principle. I understand that I can remain compassionate while also standing firm in my decisions.
Many women, especially mothers, can relate to this struggle. We often feel the need to keep everyone happy, fearing that protecting our own needs is a sign of weakness. In reality, it’s a strength. Our children need to see that we can advocate for ourselves and make choices that serve our well-being. The truth is, we cannot bring happiness to others if we aren’t content with ourselves. Self-care must be a priority.
So I give you permission to say no and to leave guilt behind. You are in control of your life, and by listening to your instincts, you will know what’s best for you. Trust me, acting on this will feel incredibly liberating.
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Summary
Learning to say no is a fundamental part of self-care and personal empowerment. It’s a journey many women, particularly mothers, can relate to, as we often prioritize others’ happiness over our own. Establishing boundaries, stepping back from overwhelming commitments, and embracing the strength in self-protection can lead to a more fulfilling life.
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