I find myself at a fast-food restaurant’s play area—a spot I would have never considered for my first child. The greasy food! The germs! The rampant consumerism! The questionable ingredients!
However, after a decade of parenting and nearly 40 years of life experience, I’ve come to realize that holding onto an overly idealistic view of what I should or shouldn’t expose my kids to is just plain silly. This kind of thinking only breeds stress and unrealistic standards.
While there are aspects of being an older mom that I don’t love, one major benefit I’ve fully embraced is the liberation from the notion of perfection. So here I am, watching my 3-year-old enjoy a chocolate milk that’s likely loaded with hormones and antibiotics. But you know what? He’s having a blast, and I get to enjoy the free Wi-Fi—good move, McDonald’s!
He’s busy playing with a pair of twins who seem just a tad younger than him. Their version of “taking turns” on the slide involves quite a bit of friendly pushing and shoving—it’s cute, really—and I’m just glad to have a moment of peace.
The twins’ mom engages me in conversation, asking about my son’s age and whether he’s in school yet. But then she dives straight into the deep end: “Is he potty trained yet?”
Isn’t it amusing how quickly we can delve into such personal topics when it comes to our little ones?
“Yeah, sort of,” I respond. “He still wears pull-ups for naps, at night, and whenever I’m not feeling up to tackling a public restroom situation, like on road trips.”
“Oh, thank goodness! You have no idea how much better that makes me feel. My twins just turned 3, and training them has been impossible!”
We share more stories about potty training struggles, and I recount the drama of training my first child—a process that was neither pretty nor timely.
One of the perks of being an older mom is that I can now laugh about even the most challenging aspects of parenting. But I felt sympathy for this mom, who seemed to be placing immense pressure on herself to nail everything, especially potty training. After all, this is her first rodeo with little ones—and she’s got two at once!
I was once in her shoes, too. My first child consumed my every thought. I was always present, striving to make every moment remarkable. I spent hours on Pinterest searching for crafts to do together. We even wrote a book when he was just 2!
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to create special memories. But the issue lies in the expectations I set. I longed for a perfect childhood for him, filled with sunshine and joy—yet that was unrealistic because, well, he was just a kid. A messy, stubborn, and sometimes downright exhausting kid.
Some days, my attempts to craft a picture-perfect experience would somewhat pan out. But more often than not, chaos would ensue, leaving me feeling like a total failure.
It took me a long time to grasp that there was nothing inherently wrong with either of us; the problem was my expectations. I became a happier parent when I accepted that the idea of perfection is nothing more than a myth—it’s utter nonsense.
In reality, our best efforts are often more than enough. Kids crave a messy and spontaneous childhood. They want to disrupt our carefully laid plans in the spirit of play and exploration. They’ll navigate their own timelines, whether it’s getting out the door on time or mastering toilet training.
So why does it take parents so long to understand this truth?
I wanted to take that mom at McDonald’s by the hand and shake some sense into her. Maybe even pour a cup of lukewarm water over her head to snap her out of her idealistic haze.
But in all seriousness, seasoned parents might come across as nonchalant or indifferent, which can be frustrating for those still striving for perfection. Our intentions are good; we genuinely want to alleviate some of the stress and hopelessness that comes with parenting.
Parenting doesn’t necessarily get easier; older kids can be just as demanding as younger ones. They may sleep through the night, but they’ll keep you up with worries. What does become easier is letting go of the need for perfection.
You’ll tell yourself, “If I survived on fragmented sleep for years, I can definitely help my kid with math homework, or at least pretend to,” and “If my child can outgrow diapers, they’ll manage to get into college one day.” How we’ll pay for that education, though, is a different puzzle altogether. Just because we’ve relinquished the notion of perfection in parenting doesn’t mean we’ve figured out the financial aspect of it!
For more insights on navigating the complexities of parenting, check out this blog post. And if you’re considering at-home insemination options, here’s a reputable retailer for syringe kits. Also, this resource offers valuable information on fertility and home insemination.
In summary, letting go of the myth of perfection can transform your experience as a parent. Embrace the mess, the chaos, and the joy of raising kids—after all, that’s where the real magic happens.
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