By: Mia Thompson
Updated: Aug. 10, 2023
Originally Published: Aug. 10, 2023
Everywhere I look, it seems there are jokes and complaints about mothers-in-law. I might chuckle or nod in sympathy, yet discussions about this topic often leave me feeling uneasy, flooded with a mix of emotions. You were taken from us far too soon, leaving your oldest child, my husband Aaron, to navigate life without you when he was only five years old. Although he has grown into an incredible man, the absence of your love continues to shape his journey—and, by extension, mine.
Occasionally, I catch myself feeling a fleeting sense of relief when I observe an overly attached mother showering her adult son with attention, inserting herself into his marriage. In those moments, I realize how grateful I am that I don’t have to share him with anyone else, except our daughter. However, those feelings are quickly tainted by guilt. More often, what weighs on my heart is the sorrow for both you and Aaron, who missed out on countless cherished moments together.
I think of you frequently and feel a sense of responsibility as your son’s partner. Raised in a household of men, he sometimes carries a roughness that can be hard to soften. There’s a void in his heart that I strive to fill, but I know that the love of a mother is irreplaceable.
Becoming a mother myself has intensified my empathy for you. The thought of being suddenly taken away from my children is terrifying. They depend on me so much; they cry if I’m not there to tuck them in at night or if I step out for a quick jog. I can’t imagine not being there for them during every milestone that comes with another birthday candle.
Aaron’s grief is most evident when he speaks about you to our children. He tries to explain your absence with a brave face, but I can see the cracks in his composure. We’ve taken the kids to visit your grave, where they show respect for a few moments before their curiosity draws them to the flowers and birds. He sometimes reminds them how fortunate they are to have me, but I know that realization comes from a place of profound loss. Our children often express a desire to meet you, a sentiment that resonates with both of us.
Please accept my apologies for those moments when I feel gratitude for not having to navigate the complexities of a mother-in-law relationship. There’s a part of me that wishes we could have had a connection. Yet, I grieve for everything you’ve missed. Sure, there are chaotic days when I wish I could escape for a moment with a glass of wine, but the joy our children bring into my life is immeasurable. From snuggles to imaginative stories, every moment is a treasure. You missed all of this—the laughter, the struggles, the beautiful chaos. I know you would have embraced it all if you had the chance.
Above all, I want to express my gratitude. Your life has taught me the invaluable role a mother plays in her children’s lives. I understand now that the lessons and experiences from their early years will shape who they become. Thank you for paving the way for me to build a wonderful life and family with Aaron. You set him on a path that led to us, and for that, I will always be thankful.
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In conclusion, the absence of a mother-in-law can evoke mixed feelings, but ultimately, it’s the love and memories we create within our families that matter most.
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