As a single mom of two, my dating life has often felt like a distant memory. Recently, however, an unexpected opportunity arose: a night at a rather questionable motel with a striking man I’d only spoken to twice on the phone. With a flurry of texts to friends who could watch my kids, aged 2 and 9, I was ready for an adventure. It had been three long years since I’d spent a night with a man. The anticipation was thrilling.
With my friends cheering me on and checking in with “Are you okay?” texts the next morning, I met him, greeted him with a smile, and nearly leaned in for a kiss. Once in our room, I felt a surge of confidence. After years of feeling more like a caregiver than a woman, I suddenly felt beautiful and desired. However, a comedic mishap occurred when my body, still producing milk, surprised us both. I laughed it off, but it’s an embarrassing memory that still makes my eye twitch.
After my second daughter’s birth, I struggled with my sex drive for over a year. It wasn’t until a friend suggested a charming guy who looked like Ryan Gosling’s cousin that I began to feel something again. Unfortunately, he wasn’t looking for a relationship, which left me disappointed but undeterred. I turned to OKCupid, determined to learn the ropes of dating and perhaps build trust again.
After several months of trying to fit into a world I wasn’t ready for, my self-esteem took a hit. I faced rejection and found myself drawn to unsuitable choices. Eventually, I chose to pause my dating life for five months, redirecting my energy into my freelancing career. I worked hard, climbed out of financial struggles, and finally got my younger daughter into daycare full-time, which allowed me the freedom to invest in a smartphone.
Naturally, I found my way to Tinder. Montana had plenty of single men, many of whom showcased their hunting conquests, which earned them a swift left swipe from me. I started chatting with a few matches, but I quickly noticed that mentioning my status as a single mom often led to radio silence or unmatch.
Just six months prior, such experiences would have crushed me. I used to feel like I was burdening potential partners with my reality. For me, spending money on a sitter was a luxury; I felt like I was asking for a favor. Yet, even after the milk incident, I held my head high. This time, I believed him when he called me sexy. I realized I wasn’t ready to dive into a serious relationship. For the first time, I appreciated the freedom to take things slow, explore connections, and meet different people.
My standards soared. I began to see myself as someone deserving of admiration rather than a person to be pitied. I dated firefighters, lawyers, musicians, and even an adventurous Australian who had been cycling around the globe.
I still grapple with how to share my parenting life at the right moment. It sometimes feels dishonest to say I’m having a “great” Saturday morning while I’m cleaning up my child’s mess. Initially, I hesitated to mention my kids, fearing it would be unappealing to those who preferred a child-free lifestyle. But why should being a single mother be a liability? In fact, it’s a badge of honor. We handle challenges that many would struggle to endure for even a day. Our ability to find joy on a budget, solve problems quickly, and stay calm in a storm of tantrums are valuable skills that translate into dating.
When dating a single mom, remember that you’re receiving a gift of her time. She could be indulging in self-care or spending time with friends instead of being with you.
Dating as a single mom is still enjoyable for me, and I choose to keep my kids separate from my dating life. My 9-year-old has a funny habit of asking if someone is going to be her stepdad when she sees us share a kiss. I’m certain it will take a strong man to stick around, and I’m okay with waiting. For the first time, I recognize that we are worth waiting for.
Every single mom out there is deserving of the same.
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Summary
This article chronicles a single mother’s journey into the dating world after years of self-doubt and challenges. Embracing her identity, she learns to navigate dating while balancing motherhood, ultimately realizing her worth.
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