A few months back, while volunteering at my son’s school, I stumbled upon an eye-opening exchange between two young girls, both just 9 years old. One girl was casually ranking their classmates based on her preferences, and I could see her excitement as she mentioned a new boy claimed the top spot. The other girl, however, listened closely and then asked in a hushed voice, “What number am I on your list?”
That simple question struck a chord with me. I don’t have daughters, nor did I know these girls well, but hearing that little girl inquire about her place in someone else’s ranking tugged at my heart. I found myself wishing I could comfort her, to pull her in for a hug and gently whisper, “No, no, no! You are not just a number on someone’s list!”
I wanted to emphasize the importance of self-love and self-worth. Your value should never depend on what someone else thinks of you or the arbitrary numbers they assign. My heart ached not only for that girl but for all the girls who grapple with similar feelings—wondering where they stand in a world that often measures worth by superficial metrics. I recognized my own past in her question; for years, I let my self-worth be dictated by numbers—whether it was a scale, social media likes, or how many invites I received to gatherings.
Listening to that girl’s quiet inquiry made me feel sadness, frustration, and a strong urge to help her and others understand that their worth is not quantifiable. Yet, I also realized this is a lesson we must learn for ourselves, repeatedly, throughout our lives.
Even now, I sometimes find myself seeking validation through numbers—whether it’s a weight goal, social media engagement, or even popularity among peers. Too many women continue to ask, “Where do I fit on this list?” It’s a pervasive question that echoes from childhood into adulthood.
While we often say we don’t care about others’ opinions, deep down, many of us still do. We can look past the negativity and drama, but on some days, we revert back to that little girl, anxious to know where we rank in someone’s eyes.
Sadly, there will always be those who, intentionally or not, reinforce feelings of inadequacy through their words and actions. This begs the question: why do we let our worth be dictated by others? Why do we measure ourselves by numbers? More importantly, how do we break free from this cycle?
I don’t have a magic solution or a foolproof guide to escape this cycle of seeking approval and ranking ourselves. But I do believe that acknowledging the issue is the first step toward change. It’s crucial to admit that, while we may care less about external validation than we used to, we still care more than we’d like to admit. Understanding the impact of this desire on our lives—and on women as a whole—is essential.
It’s vital that we challenge societal standards, whether it’s the ideal body image or the number of likes on our social media posts. We must listen to the voices of those who, like that little girl, are quietly asking, “Where do I belong?” and “What number am I?” It requires a collective effort to dismantle these lists, to support one another, and to remind ourselves that we are not defined by anyone else’s criteria.
We have all been that little girl at some point in our lives, whether we acknowledge it or not. If we can shift the conversation from “Where do I fit?” to “How do we stop this?” we can take meaningful steps toward creating a culture that values individuals beyond mere numbers.
As we navigate this journey, let’s do it for ourselves and for future generations. For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post. Also, for those looking into at-home insemination, Make a Mom offers reputable kits that can help. Lastly, if you’re seeking information on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource is invaluable.
Summary
This heartfelt message emphasizes that young girls—and women of all ages—should determine their own self-worth instead of relying on external validation. Through shared experiences and open conversations, we can work together to dismantle the harmful practice of ranking ourselves and seeking approval from others.
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