Maintaining my sanity is possible thanks to two families. Like everyone else, I have my biological family and my in-laws. But I also have a third family, one that is not bound by blood or obligation. This family is composed of individuals I chose for myself, just as they chose me. I feel incredibly fortunate and grateful to have this surrogate family.
Before becoming a parent, my world revolved around close friends. Life’s challenges were manageable with the support of best friends and relatives. Your parents were your safety net during tough times, your best friend stood beside you on your wedding day, and your girlfriends provided comfort during tequila-fueled mishaps. Friends were your allies through late-night study sessions and your ride when you couldn’t drive yourself home. With your friends and family around, you felt complete.
Then came the kids.
Initially, your parents and in-laws stepped in to help. They offered unsolicited advice on feeding, sleeping, and even circumcision. While they cooked meals and held the baby to give you a moment’s peace, you felt an overwhelming pressure to clean up and play the perfect host. You couldn’t help but feel like you were juggling a newborn and your own expectations while navigating their well-intentioned but frustrating suggestions.
Determined to raise your child on your own terms, you found yourself at odds with the way your parents raised you. Their methods, which included things you swore you would never do, made you resentful. You often found yourself ushering them out the door before the tension boiled over.
As for your friends? They seemed lost in the parenting maze. Many showed up with overly large plush toys or hipster baby clothes, and while their intentions were good, they quickly faded back into their pre-baby lives. You were left alone with a tiny human who was demanding in ways you never anticipated.
But then there was that one friend, Sarah, who had a baby just a year earlier. She reached out, showing up with a pre-cooked meal and plain onesies, genuinely eager to hear your birth story. She not only held your baby while you took a much-needed shower but also encouraged you to get out of the house and shop for essentials.
You also gathered the courage to attend local parenting groups like La Leche League or Babywearing International. There, you met other mothers who were navigating similar challenges. It felt like the first day of high school all over again, but you made connections that blossomed into friendships. Many of these moms remain close friends years later.
Let’s not forget about those friends without kids. They may not change diapers, but they can still be invaluable; one might even babysit in a pinch while another joins you for movie nights. As your kids grow, these relationships evolve, becoming treasures in their own right.
If you’re extremely fortunate, you might also meet a nurturing couple who adore your children, perhaps because they were unable to have kids of their own or their children have grown. These surrogate aunts and uncles can offer wisdom without the emotional baggage that can come from family. You can enjoy shared interests while they shower your kids with love.
Having a second family—a village or tribe—is a beautiful experience. While your biological family is essential, the addition of a surrogate family can enrich your lives in ways you never expected. These are the people who bring you comfort food when you’re unwell, lend you their car when yours breaks down, and act as emergency contacts.
You need them, and they need you too.
If you’re interested in home insemination options, check out this informative blog post for more insights. And for those looking for reputable products, Make A Mom offers excellent at-home insemination syringe kits. Additionally, for a deeper understanding of the insemination process, Cleveland Clinic’s resource is quite helpful.
In summary, the importance of having a surrogate family cannot be overstated. These connections provide invaluable support, relief, and joy, creating a rich tapestry of relationships that enhance your family life.
Leave a Reply