We were enjoying a warm summer day at the beach when my kids were just toddlers. I was spent, but in a joyful way. I crouched down, cradling my youngest, watching him delightfully splash water around with his little shovel. My back ached, and the heat was unbearable, but I couldn’t take a moment to cool off; the thought of leaving my kids unattended sent a wave of anxiety through me. I cherished being their go-to person. But then, in an instant, my joy shifted to worry. What will happen when they grow up? Who will I be in this new phase of life? What will it mean when they no longer rely on me?
Back when my kids were little, my days revolved around tending to their every need—kissing bumps and bruises, feeding them, dressing them for the weather, slathering on sunscreen, and tucking them in at night. While those days often left me completely drained, the thought of my kids outgrowing that dependency frightened me.
For a long time, I kept these feelings to myself until a friend shared her own anxieties about her kids growing up. Hearing her confession made me realize I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. It wasn’t just about wanting them to stay small; I genuinely feared what my life would look like when they no longer needed me as they once did.
That was years ago, and now my kids are older, and the shift has begun. They’re pulling away, carving out their own identities, and creating lives separate from our once tightly-knit family unit. So, what does motherhood look like during this stage?
What Motherhood Looks Like Now
It’s about:
- Taking solo trips to the store and managing to get in and out in under ten minutes.
- Savoring a few extra moments in the wine aisle without worrying about someone knocking over a display.
- Going for a run, a walk, or a bike ride alone, with the confidence to tell them to only reach out in case of an emergency — even if they probably won’t follow that advice.
- Enjoying a longer shower or bath, relishing the quieter moments even if interruptions still occur.
- Witnessing them wake up one morning noticeably taller, a reminder to appreciate every fleeting stage of their growth.
- Reminiscing about the cuddles, their adorable mispronunciations, and those tiny hands.
- Engaging in serious conversations about relationships, politics, and the complexities of life.
It can feel overwhelming; letting go and adapting to their changing needs isn’t easy. There are moments when I find myself tearing up while looking through their baby books. I experience a mix of pride and frustration, often simultaneously, praying that I made the right choices while hoping they will continue to do the same. There are times I see pieces of myself in them, which can stir up feelings I didn’t expect.
It’s about the freedom to retreat to my room and shut the door after asking them to prepare their own meals. It’s the endless car rides, the significant expenses on food, clothing, and sports gear. It encompasses all those experiences — both wonderful and challenging. Some days, I long for the time when they were small and safely tucked away in their cribs. There are moments I’d prefer changing diapers over dropping them off at the movies, but this is the journey of motherhood, filled with various stages.
Embracing the Transition
One key realization I’ve made as my children evolve is that just because they are becoming more independent, it doesn’t mean I am no longer needed. They may not rely on me to keep them afloat in the water anymore, but my role in their lives remains just as vital, if not more so, in different ways. And I genuinely appreciate how it all unfolds.
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Summary
As children grow older, the role of motherhood evolves. While the dependency may lessen, the need for guidance and support remains crucial. Embracing this transition is essential for both parents and children, highlighting the beauty and challenges of this new phase of life.
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