There’s a picture hanging in our hallway of my partner and me with our oldest niece, labeled “My Godparents.” Occasionally, one of my children will spot the photo and inquire about the concept of “godparents.” “What does that mean? Do I have them? Why not?”
I do my best to answer, but it often leads to an apology and a bit of an explanation about their lack of godparents. “Well… you weren’t baptized.” “I wasn’t?” “Nope.” “Why not?!” “Our beliefs don’t include child baptism.”
These discussions sometimes lead to further questions, while at other times, they end with a slight sense of disappointment about not having godparents, indifference about baptism, and an uneasy acceptance that we don’t quite fit into the mainstream religious mold.
My kids recognize that our family’s church experience differs from that of their Christian and Jewish peers — we aren’t traditional churchgoers, but we aren’t entirely absent from it either. In fact, I think they sometimes feel like they’ve missed out, being religious outsiders who still attend church.
Our family identifies as Unitarian Universalist, a lesser-known faith that is as challenging to define as it is to pronounce. Unitarian Universalists, or UUs, embrace a wide spectrum of beliefs. Representing just one percent of Americans who identify as part of “other faiths,” we are a varied spiritual community. Some UUs come from different faith backgrounds, while others identify as atheists or agnostics. Some even believe in a higher power — although the capitalization of “God” can be a point of contention. We don’t adhere to a specific doctrine, and beliefs such as original sin are absent since we don’t subscribe to the idea at all.
Instead, we emphasize kindness, connection, and reverence for something greater than ourselves, which is uniquely interpreted by each individual. Think of us as the Church of the Golden Rule.
I came to Unitarian Universalism later in life after being raised in a traditional Catholic environment, complete with First Communion and Lenten restrictions. While I value the spiritual groundwork from my upbringing, I eventually realized, like many, that the concept of the Trinity didn’t resonate with me, nor did the idea of a traditional deity. I pondered the existence of a more abstract higher power, perhaps with a lowercase “g.”
Amidst my own spiritual exploration, I was determined to instill some form of belief in my children — but what would that look like? How could I give them a solid spiritual foundation while remaining true to my own beliefs? I longed for a community that nurtured a sense of the divine without compromising authenticity. Did such a place even exist?
For a time, I doubted it, but over the last decade, I’ve come to realize that this unconventional faith with its lengthy title is ideally suited for our family. We delve into works by Rumi and Mary Oliver and enjoy an eclectic mix of music. Our congregation hosts diverse groups, including those for Atheists, Humanists, and Agnostics, as well as the Feminine Divine and a book club. We celebrate traditions like Passover Seders, Christmas pageants, and even a fantastic Halloween gathering. My evolving beliefs coexist with my partner’s humanist views, allowing our children to learn about spirituality without rigid dogma. It somewhat resembles the notion of being “spiritual but not religious,” except it is, in fact, a recognized religion.
While I cherish our liberal, somewhat eclectic faith, I occasionally struggle to articulate its essence, especially to those unfamiliar with Unitarian Universalism. It can be challenging to find common ground; to my Christian and Jewish friends, I often seem insufficiently religious, while my non-religious peers may view me as overly devout. And my kids? They’re still a bit envious of the First Communion gifts their friends received.
Nevertheless, our family largely embraces our distinct religious identity. I take pride in being part of a faith that has historically championed marriage equality and embraced inclusivity long before it became a societal norm. I’m grateful that my children are exposed to a diverse array of spiritual perspectives, from Judeo-Christian beliefs to Islam, Buddhism, and even paganism, fostering an environment where they learn not just to accept differences, but to celebrate them. Most importantly, I value that I can be part of a spiritual community without having to suppress my personal beliefs.
We might not always fit in with mainstream religion, but we certainly feel a sense of belonging.
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Summary
Our family identifies as Unitarian Universalist, embracing a diverse spiritual community that allows us to explore beliefs without strict dogmas. While we may not fit the mold of mainstream religion, we celebrate our unique identity and the varied faith traditions that enrich our family’s understanding of spirituality.
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