I’m done.
About three years ago, I reached a breaking point. The immense pressure I had placed on myself as a parent, along with my tendency to micromanage my children, left me feeling overwhelmed and bitter. It became clear that no one in my family wanted to be around me when I was so wrapped up in my misery.
In my eyes, nothing was ever satisfactory. The ideals I set for my family and myself weren’t just unrealistic; they were often downright confusing. When I realized that my children might only remember me as a stressed-out, frantic figure, I knew it was time for a change.
I decided to quit obsessing over my self-imposed notions of a perfect parent. I embraced the concept of grace and gave myself permission to be less than I thought I needed to be. And you know what? I haven’t looked back since. Why? Because shedding the weight of impossible expectations has allowed me to enjoy life more fully as a mother.
Here’s the deal:
When I started doing less, I discovered so much more.
Lowering your parenting expectations is undoubtedly easier said than done. For those of us who are perfectionists, it feels like we must handle everything flawlessly, and for those already feeling like failures, accepting even lower expectations can be a daunting task. But giving yourself the grace to step off the relentless hamster wheel of parenting expectations is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself—and your children. Everyone deserves grace, especially mothers who often give it so freely without ever receiving it in return.
Grace is most valuable during times of hardship, offering a chance for an unconditional do-over where past missteps simply don’t matter. Did you catch that? Your past mistakes don’t define you. Grace is unwavering. For those of us who constantly strive to prove ourselves, grace reassures us that we don’t have to meet anyone’s standards or earn any mothering merit badges. It empowers us to realize that we define what it means to be enough—not other moms, social media, or societal norms. These arbitrary standards only leave us exhausted and unfulfilled. You are enough.
When you allow grace to lift the burdens of the unrealistic standards you’ve imposed on yourself, you’ll be amazed at how liberating it feels. The freedom from those ridiculous expectations can be astonishing. Moreover, this newfound freedom will make you more lovable. The barriers of inadequacy you constructed around yourself prevented your kids and partner from loving you fully, and it hindered your ability to love yourself too. But once those walls come down? Once you embrace the fact that you are enough just as you are? Get ready for a sense of relief so profound that you’ll wonder why you didn’t give yourself a break sooner.
Lowering your standards isn’t a sign of failure—leaving dishes in the sink, having a mountain of laundry on the couch, or ordering pizza for the third time this week isn’t the end of the world. Those unrealistic standards you thought made you less of a mother were entirely misguided. Grace doesn’t care about dirty dishes, laundry piles, or less-than-stellar dinners. It cares about YOU. And you are far more than any standards—you are a mom whose only true responsibility is to love her children.
Let grace help you release those expectations and the resentment that often accompanies them. Because while the laundry pile might eventually disappear, the need for a mother’s love will always endure. And trust me, your future grandchildren will be eager to experience that love.
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Summary:
Parenting expectations can often feel overwhelming and unrealistic, leading to stress and dissatisfaction. Embracing grace and allowing yourself to lower these expectations can bring a newfound freedom and happiness. Remember that love is the most important standard, and prioritizing it can make all the difference in your parenting journey.
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