Last month, my 9-year-old son had a day off from school—one of those dreaded conference days. After dropping his little brother off at preschool, I found him glued to his video game. I felt a strong urge to step out for a quick run.
Normally, I wouldn’t even think about leaving him home alone. However, over the past few months, I’d noticed a shift in his maturity. He had been more responsible with chores, kinder to his younger sibling, and seemed to be handling the challenges of growing up quite well.
He’s got some essential knowledge down pat: he knows how to call 911, understands that the stove is off-limits, and would never open the door to strangers. Our iPad is connected to my phone, allowing him to text me if needed. Plus, we live in a duplex, and our neighbors were home, all of whom are familiar with us.
So, I decided to take the plunge. I informed my son I would be gone for precisely 20 minutes and we reviewed our emergency plan. I shared my running route—looping around our block and staying close to home. I reassured him I would be within two minutes of the house at all times, even jogging past several times during my run.
In hindsight, my plan seemed solid—my run and my son’s first experience of being left alone went off without a hitch. But during my run, I was consumed with anxiety.
It wasn’t about my son’s safety; I felt confident he could handle it. My fears were rooted in what others might think. As I jogged, I couldn’t shake the feeling that someone might see me and judge my decision. Would they think I was neglectful? Would I have to justify my choice or prove my son’s maturity? What if someone reported me to Child Protective Services? Ugh, I forgot to look up the law!
What has happened to our world? When I was a kid, my parents left me in the car for quick errands, and I was free to play outside for hours without supervision. I remember being left alone at 9 or 10 years old, a decision made instinctively by my mother without a second thought.
These days, we seem to have lost that freedom. It’s not just an internal struggle; there are real consequences for adopting a free-range approach to parenting. I’ve read stories of parents getting reported for allowing their kids to play outside or being arrested for running a quick errand with a sleeping child in the car.
Before writing this, I made sure to research the laws regarding leaving children home alone in my state. Fortunately, New York has no minimum age requirement for this. The law emphasizes using common sense, stating that the decision should depend on the child and circumstances.
Thank you, New York, for prioritizing sensible parenting. Yet, knowing the law doesn’t entirely alleviate my anxiety. Even with that knowledge, the fear of judgment looms large.
As my children grow, I’ll need to navigate more situations requiring me to assess their readiness for independence. I must remind myself that I know my kids best, that I’m a caring and sensible mother, and that the opinions of others shouldn’t dictate my choices.
I wish things were different. While safety is paramount, we need to ensure we’re not going to the extreme in our parenting approach. Neglect is a real issue, but most parents are doing a commendable job. If we could cut each other some slack, believe in one another, and move away from a culture of fear, parenting could become a more empowering and fulfilling experience for everyone involved.
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Summary
Leaving my 9-year-old alone for the first time triggered a wave of fear and anxiety, primarily about judgment from others rather than concerns about his safety. Despite knowing he was ready, societal pressures made me second-guess my decision. However, I must remember that I know my children best, and it’s essential to strike a balance between safety and allowing them the independence they deserve.
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