We often hear the phrase “to err is human,” and as a parent, I can attest that it rings true. I find myself apologizing to my 4-year-old daughter, Lily, nearly every day. The reason? I’m human, and I make mistakes just like anyone else. And when Lily makes an error, I want her instinct to be to acknowledge it and offer an apology.
Here’s how I approach this process:
- Own Up to Your Mistakes. We all mess up. It could be something minor like misinterpreting a situation or, at times, neglecting to give her the attention she deserves throughout the day. When that happens, I have to take responsibility for the fact that her day didn’t go as well as it could have because of me.
- Offer a Genuine Apology. I don’t just throw out a casual “sorry” as I walk away. Instead, I sit down with her for a heartfelt conversation. I explain exactly what I’m apologizing for, emphasizing why it matters. This not only teaches Lily to reflect on her own actions but also helps her understand the difference between right and wrong. For instance, I might say, “I’m sorry I wasn’t listening when you were sharing your story; I should have paid more attention.” This type of apology validates her feelings and shows her the importance of taking responsibility.
- Know When and How to Move Forward. After an apology, we hug it out and either correct the mistake—like asking her to repeat what she wanted to say—or simply let it go if the moment has passed.
This approach has fostered a healthy dialogue between us. Lily feels comfortable coming to me when she has made a mistake, and her apologies are sincere. While we certainly don’t let her misbehavior slide (she’s experienced her fair share of timeouts), she knows that she can come to us, own up to her actions, and we will discuss it calmly.
Just this morning, she approached me with tearful eyes and said, “Mommy, I’m sorry.” I asked for what, and she explained, “I spilled my breakfast because I wasn’t supposed to be playing.” I hugged her, reassured her it was okay, and reminded her to sit while eating. She accepted that, smiled, and went back to finish her breakfast with her dad.
If you think about it, imagine if that interaction had occurred between two adults. One adult spills food and apologizes. Would the other adult respond with understanding and perhaps offer advice on being more careful, or would they lash out and scold?
It’s worth noting that Lily tends to come to me first with her apologies. My partner, Jake, tends to be more authoritarian, often quick to identify her faults rather than approach with empathy. He’s prone to react instinctively when she makes a mistake, and while he may apologize occasionally, it’s often not as heartfelt as it should be. Because of this, Lily has learned to be more forgiving towards me and reacts quite differently when Jake slips up.
Children emulate the behavior they observe. If we want our kids to admit their mistakes and strive for improvement, we must model that behavior ourselves. If we display anger and frustration, they will mirror that as well.
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In summary, the act of apologizing to my child has opened doors to honest communication and emotional understanding between us. By modeling accountability, I’m paving the way for her to grow into a thoughtful and responsible individual.
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