When my little one was just two days old, our hospital pediatrician made a special trip to my bedside. With a serious tone, she warned me that if I brought my baby into bed with us, there was a real risk of rolling over and unintentionally smothering him in his sleep. “Just don’t do it. Horrific things could occur,” she cautioned.
Worse than the thought of suffocating my child? Goodness. Thus began my terrifying adventure into motherhood.
Despite the warnings, my baby often ended up in our bed anyway. I was breastfeeding, and he seemed to need a feed every hour and a half, lasting nearly forty-five minutes each time. Inevitably, I would doze off during these feedings, waking in a panic—visions of that stern pediatrician haunting me. WHERE IS MY BABY? WHAT HAVE I DONE? Thankfully, there he was, blissfully nuzzled against me, fast asleep and breathing soundly.
At six months, we moved to a chilly brownstone in the dead of winter, where the heat was minimal at best. The fear of him freezing in his crib outweighed those worries of suffocation, so he joined us in bed. My nighttime anxieties shifted from worrying about rolling onto him to fearing my husband might inadvertently smother him with a pillow. “Only a breastfeeding mother should co-sleep with a baby,” the books insisted. I can’t quote them directly, but you get the idea; parenting literature can be quite alarming.
One night, I woke up to find my son half-buried under my husband’s pillow while he snoozed peacefully. Guilt washed over me, and sleep evaded me for the rest of the night. The next day, I tried to cleanse myself of that “bad parent” feeling with a Silkwood-style shower. Little did I know, showering with a newborn is nearly impossible. Who knew that even basic self-care would become a Herculean task?
Back then, he would often nap in his car seat—before the warnings against it became prevalent. He loved that seat, and we had no issues keeping him safe in it. But one day, as I dashed to the bathroom, my mommy instincts kicked in. I sprinted back to find him in a precarious position, his chin tucked into his chest, nearly choking. Panic surged through me. How could I be so careless?
I often thought about how teenagers manage to keep babies alive. They even featured in a documentary where Mongolian nomads tied their toddlers to bedposts while they left for the day, and those infants survived! After a few of these heart-stopping moments, I began to question my competence as a mother.
Maybe the pediatrician wasn’t being overly dramatic; she was simply instilling a necessary caution. After all, nothing puts the weight of responsibility into perspective quite like the fear of unintentionally harming your own child in your sleep. Welcome to motherhood!
And here I am, still learning and navigating this wild journey called parenting. Just the other day, I caught my toddler trying to put a quarter in her mouth. If you’re looking for tips or resources on starting your own journey, check out this blog post on cervical insemination for insights. For those considering at-home insemination, you can find quality kits at a reputable retailer like Make A Mom. If you’re exploring fertility options, the Johns Hopkins Fertility Center is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
The initial stages of parenthood can be overwhelming and filled with fear, from co-sleeping anxieties to the challenges of self-care. As new mothers navigate these experiences, the blend of joy and terror serves as a reminder of the incredible responsibility they bear.
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