Ah, the pre-baby body – that glorious version of myself that could pull all-nighters without a care and sneeze freely without risking a wardrobe malfunction. I remember it fondly, and boy, do I miss it!
During my pregnancy, I tried everything possible to keep my body intact. I did my pelvic exercises like a champ to save my lady parts. I slathered on oils nightly in hopes of avoiding stretch marks, and I maintained a healthy diet (mostly, except for those late-night ice cream runs). I even invested in special bras aimed at keeping things “perky.”
While some of my efforts paid off, I still had to say goodbye to parts of my pre-baby self. It seems both my boys inherited their father’s giant-sized genes, and my petite frame took quite the hit. My once-envied assets have transformed into what can only be described as deflated balloons. Trust me, they won’t even make an appearance in a dimly lit room anytime soon!
Let’s take a look at the transformation, shall we?
- Breasts: Every mom I talk to longs for her pre-baby boobs. After babies, they either become too large or shrivel up like old raisins. Why can’t we hit a happy medium? Instead, we’re left with what looks like deflated tube socks or, worse, sun-baked prunes.
- Nipples: Now affectionately dubbed “flying saucers,” these have also lost their former sensitivity, especially for breastfeeding moms. Awesome, right?
- Bladder: Once the queen of bladder control, I now find myself at the mercy of my bladder. A sneeze, a laugh, or even a cough requires a silent prayer to the bladder control gods. This is the second most common complaint among my mom friends!
- Hair: Thick-haired women, beware! I used to have a glorious mane that everyone admired. Now, after months of shedding hair like a golden retriever, I’m left with feathered wings that would’ve made me a hit in the 80s.
- Butt: For reasons beyond my understanding, my backside decided to merge with my legs during my last pregnancy. Sure, a few thousand squats could help, but when do I have time for that as a busy mom?
- Feet: With so many body changes, you’d think my feet would stay the same. Nope! They grew half a size and never went back. Goodbye, cute heels that cost a fortune!
- Brain: Here’s a riddle: How can I remember my childhood phone number but not where I left my keys? Seriously, having kids seems to come with a side of memory loss – and I think I lost mine somewhere between diaper changes and midnight feedings.
- Tummy: While I never had six-pack abs, I certainly didn’t look like I just polished off a burrito feast every day pre-baby. Now? Let’s just say I’m grateful for stretchy pants!
Was it all worth it? Absolutely. Would I do it again for my little ones? In a heartbeat! But let’s be real for a moment – wouldn’t it be nice to wear a dress without squeezing into Spanx and jump rope with the kids without a side of bladder anxiety? I think we all know the answer to that.
For more tips on navigating the wild world of parenthood, check out our other blog posts like this one on pregnancy or explore home insemination options for those considering that journey. And if you’re looking for reliable products, Make A Mom has you covered!