As I sit here, I find myself in old, worn-out pajamas featuring a beloved cartoon character, complete with a noticeable tear. My T-shirt has seen better days, with a neckline that has stretched beyond recognition. My hair is hastily tied back in a ponytail—definitely not the polished look achieved through careful styling, but more like the result of a frantic morning where I overslept and rushed to get the kids ready for school. Of course, I’m donning my glasses because there was simply no time to put in my contacts.
Yes, I wore those cartoon pajamas to drop off my kids. I threw on a coat, hoping nobody would notice. At this early hour, I’m still in that “safe zone,” where most mothers look just as hurried and overwhelmed as I do. But as the day unfolds, the coffee will kick in, showers will be taken, and hopefully, jeans and real shoes will replace my comfy loungewear. Makeup might make an appearance too, if I can manage it. Hair and teeth will be brushed, and I might actually cross a few things off my to-do list.
Yet, we all have those days when motivation to do anything vanishes entirely. The yoga pants become our all-day uniform (because obviously, we’ve done yoga, right?), the laundry piles up, and we may binge-watch our favorite shows instead of tackling chores. While those days can be beneficial for our mental health, they shouldn’t become the norm.
When it becomes an everyday occurrence, we risk sliding into the realm of “frumpy.” Though the term itself can sound humorous, living in frumpiness is anything but amusing. I’ve experienced the extremes—from being meticulously groomed to letting everything slide—and I’m now trying to find a balance. Frumpiness can sneak up on you, making it easy to settle into a routine where personal care is neglected entirely.
It manifests as barely having the energy to meet your children’s needs, letting hygiene slip, and feeling like you shouldn’t even bother with self-care. This can lead to feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and even shame, leaving you isolated because you perceive yourself as someone who has “let themselves go.”
It’s easy to fall into this trap. At one point in my life, the demands of motherhood felt overwhelming, and I convinced myself that cutting corners on my appearance was a practical choice. I thought I was prioritizing my family’s needs over my own. But frumpiness is deceptive; it offers a false sense of relief while gradually dulling your self-esteem. Before you know it, self-neglect feels like your only option, and you hardly recognize the person staring back at you in the mirror.
I’ve been there, and I know it can feel like a powerful force pulling you down. The antidote to frumpiness lies in self-care. If starting with simple things like regular showers is what you need, then do it. Gradually, you can incorporate more—deep-conditioning your hair, moisturizing, or even putting on a bit of makeup. Choose outfits that make you feel good, even if it means opting for real pants instead of leggings.
Remember, don’t do it for anyone else but yourself. You owe it to your self-esteem to make this effort; you are worth it. It’s okay to leave the dishes for a bit longer or skip the kids’ bath one night so you can enjoy a relaxing soak in the tub (with bubbles, of course). Reclaiming the gift of self-care was one of the best choices I made—not only for myself but for my family too, who deserve more than just a shell of a person going through the motions.
It won’t happen overnight, but small steps will gradually lead you back to the vibrant person you were before you dedicated so much of yourself to others. Rediscover how wonderful it feels to care for yourself, because you are a valuable individual who deserves that attention.
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